Paint me in Stripes
by pollux119
Summary: Follow the spiral from one late night prank to an interhouse war that catapulted four boys, no into young men but into Hogwarts Legends. Told from the Shifty eyes of Sirius Black.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I don't own squat. If you thought I did, you are very strange and very mistaken. Ok well, some OC's are mine but whatever.

Paint me in Stripes - Chapter 1.

**BRAND NEW **  
**"Okay I Believe You, But My Tommy Gun Don't"**  
  
I am heaven sent,  
don't you dare forget.  
I am all you've ever wanted,  
what all the other boys all promised.  
sorry I told. I just needed you to know.  
I think in decimals and dollars.  
I am the cause to all your problems,  
shelter from cold. we are never alone.  
coordinate brain and mouth.  
then ask me what's it like to have  
myself so figured out.  
I wish I knew..  
  
I hope this song starts a craze.  
the kind of song that ignites the airwaves.  
the kind of song that makes people glad  
to be where they are,  
with whoever they're there with.  
this is war.  
every line is about,  
who i don't wanna write about anymore.  
I was just wanna believe, I just wanna believe,  
I just wanna believe.  
we're concentrating on falling apart.  
we were contenders, we're throwing the fight  
I was just wanna believe, I just wanna believe,  
I just wanna believe, in us.

It takes seventeen seconds for a luggy spat from the balcony of the astronomy tower to hit the ground. Yes I was all too aware that studying the aerodynamics of gobs of spit is a pretty depressing means of distraction, but what can you do. Despite the fact that I view my family as a great disgusting disappointment and a supreme embarrassment, there are certain aspects of my personality of which I must give them credit. I don't know if these traits are genetic or can be attributed to the endless verbal tirades and brain washing of my parental units. Either way I can still envision my fathers overly groomed face yelling.

"Damn it Sirius, get to your God Damn room, you cry like one of those god damned muggle sympathizers! I don't even count you as part of this family but you still bear the name! And God damn it the Noble Blacks do not show emotion in public. People fear the Blacks but no one fears a God Damned cry baby, now get to your room!!!" My fathers face swam in front of me, big cuban cigar and all. He always reminded me of some kind of Mafia crime lord. I guess based on his line of work the comparison wasn't really very far off, but seriously I think that he could have been an understudy in the godfather.

Fuck thinking about that. I re-gathered my mucus and hocked another one over the edge. I watched it fall but my eyes began to drift. Surprise sur-fucking –prise, they were still there. I should probably clarify that the reason that I was standing up in the highest location of the school, wasn't really to nail first years still naive enough to stand below the balconies with spittle. I was actually up here for the view. More accurately the view of the quidditch pitch, where currently two, 7th year students could be seen making themselves cozy together in the top row of the bleachers. From here they really weren't recognizable. In-fact if I didn't have a detailed map in front of me, showing the location of ever student, teacher, and ghost in the greater Hogwarts area, I honestly wouldn't have the slightest clue to their identity. But as it was two dots one green and the other blue, were labeled Lucius Malfoy and Kalina Kleese and they were positioned practically on top of each other.

I watched in tired amusement as a little Hufflepuff boy ran his pudgy hands threw his hair, before looking up in disgust. Funny, but not enough to distract me.

If I looked really hard I swear I could see his greasy hands slowly leaving a trail of filth up her thigh. I fucking hate Lucius. It made me sick to think that at a not to distant point in my life we, me and Lucius that is, were grouped into the same cauldron. Both of us were almost poster children for the Aryan race, ( I seriously think my father would have liked me more if I was bond) Both our parents sat on nest eggs so large it's a surprise they didn't have saddle rash. And most importantly both our families, in one grand parade of incest could trace our bloodline directly back to good ol' Salazar himself.

I spat again but this time it was actually out of disgust.

The worst part about Lucius was the greed. I swear he was in a constant state of jealousy. Despite the fact that he had everything he was never satisfied. He was constantly buying and stealing things of people. Not because he actually wanted them, no worldly object could make Lucius happy. He took them because he wanted to be in control. He wanted other people not to have them. Power is next to godliness, and Lucius was your stereotypical megalomaniac.

That was why he was currently snuggling so comfortably with Kalina Kleese. Not because he liked her or enjoyed spending time with her. She was just another possession to him. A possession that made someone else happy, so inevitably he had to have her. The smug fucking smile he probably had plastered across his well shaven face had nothing to do with the slender Ravenclaw, wrapped securely and contently in his arms. He was probably grinning like a Cheshire cat, imagining me sitting alone in the astronomy tower, spitting at first years, and feeling sorry for myself.

Lucius had taken everything from me really. My father had taken my absence at home rather lightly, instead opting to send my Christmas presents to Lucius. He was more welcome in my house then I ever was. My little brother idle worshiped Lucius. My mom fawned over him, even my house elf would serve him before me. But fuck that, he could have those twisted bastards. I sure as shit didn't want them, and the fact that only the names Gregarious, Dimona, and Regulus were listed under the Black family in the phone-book was proof to that. But we will cover that runaway later.

Anyways, my family apparently wasn't enough to satisfy bottomless stomach. So he moved on. And here he was cuddling up with my girlfr...my ex-girlfriend.

Kalina. I know it might sound a bit cliché, but I really should have seen it coming.

From the minute the sorting hat decided that Kalina and I weren't cracked up for Slytherin we had been in the same boat. She had gone to Ravenclaw and me to Gryffindor. Although the two houses are about as similar as lions and eagles, to our families there are only two groups of people at Hogwarts. Slytherins and that other shit.

So we easily found refuge in each other. Complaining about the tyranny of our families and escaping our absurd unwanted expectations. Granted, the fact that she was a total bombshell didn't really deter me from wanting to spend time in her charming company. Eventually making the jump into a relationship was only natural. In sixth year we officially became an item. Things had gone more or less great and were still going great, until...what the hell.

The worst part is I can sorta see her side of the whole deal. Shit I honestly feel a bit sorry for her. I wish I didn't. I really wish I could talk shit about her, give her the dagger eyes when I walked by her in the halls, just like every other over dramatic matchbook romance. Unfortunately I can only envy the masses content with their black and white relationships. I have to pity Kalina because I know exactly where she is coming from.

Imagine you Dad personally visiting the school to try to arrange a re-sorting. Imagine your parents only writing you at school to inform you, that you are still viewed by the family as a disappointment. Imagine coming home for Christmas Holidays to listen to your mom's diatribe about how the only greater black sheep than yourself was your should-have-been-abortion girlfriend. I had gone threw exactly the same thing. I suppose the only reason I never broke it off with her, for your run of the mill pure-blood skank was because my dress robes were embroidered in scarlet and gold. She wasn't brave enough to be a Gryffindor; she didn't have the guts to stand up to her parentals. Eventually all the propaganda and the brainwashing broke her down. She was sick of taking her parents shit, so she buckled. She grabbed the boy she knew her parents would approve of. The poster boy of pure blood superiority. Lucius Fucking Malfoy.

And that prick was only to gleeful to cut in and watch me take the news with a slacked jaw and weak knees.

I tried to hate her, but I really couldn't. Instead I transferred the hate to her parents, my parents, and the whole twisted pureblood mind set. Screw that.

I hocked another over the ledge and began the long trudge back to Gryffindor common room. As I dragged my feat my thoughts slowly began to fill with visions of the Lestrange bothers eating pubic hair soup. Excellent.


	2. RailRoad Spikes

Chapter 2

**ALKALINE TRIO **  
  
**"This Is Getting Over You"**  
  
Today I woke up,  
Younger than I've been in years.  
Not concerned with what's outside,  
And beers, I don't have any.  
No one is my equal because I'm the king of rain.  
Controlling with my moodswings,  
Throw a thunderstorm your way, way.  
Drowning girls is a game I play.  
  
Today I woke up,  
More awake than I have felt in years.  
Not consearned with anything, no tears.  
Well I'm done with that shit.  
No one is your equal because you're the queen of pain.  
Controlling with my mood temps,  
Staring at my shoes as I run away, way.  
Drowning myself is a game I play.  
Drown myself away,  
Drown myself away, away.  
Goodbye.  
This is getting over you.  
This is getting over you.

Consciousness gradually flooded in, as the tiny beam of light permitted by my bed curtains traversed my pillow and landed square in my eyes. "Good Christ what time is it?" I blindly to mumbled to myself, as I jerked my drapes fully closed. My head throbbed like there was a nail between my eyes and even though my bed was now fully devoid of light my eyes were still burning from the sun. "Now where was I?" I asked my pillow as I let the morning comatose wash back over me.

I had no sooner nodded off, than I was reawaken. This time however, it was not by a rogue ray of sunlight, but a hushed pair of voices that certainly didn't match those of my room mates. My eyes flew open, and my mind began racing immediately expecting the worse. This wouldn't be the first time revenge from one of our pranks, had spilled back into the dorm. 'Shit, what did I do last night?' I thought, trying to remember anything that would qualify as grounds to start a full frontal dorm invasion. My head was still throbbing but it was then that I realized that my mouth tasted terrible. I couldn't place it, but if I had try; I would say it was a blend of fire whiskey, vomit and an old mangy boot 'Oh Shit! What did I do last night!?' It slowly came back to me like a bathtub draining in reverse. I had transformed into Padfoot at least once, Alcohol had been involved, there was an encounter with filch, I had been in the astronomy tower, reminiscing, plotting.

What had I been plotting? Something about the Lestranges's soup...Oh Shit!

I could still here the voices talking to quite to understand.

I reached under my pillow and pulled out my wand. I know it's cliché but it seems to work alright for James Bond. I caught a few breaths and readied myself.

Three... 'Crap, I really hope there are just two of them.'

Two... 'Flitwick always says my magic is gravely lacking in the morning.'

One... 'I wish I was wearing pants'

Zero... I threw open my drapes so hard they ripped off the tracks. I jumped off the bed, rolled sideways on the floor, pointed my wand and screamed. "You better freeze you dirty piece of shit Lestra..."

It was difficult to say who's was jaw dropped the lowest. Mine, the house elf's or the talking mirror's. I was rooted to the floor for well over a minute. Using my sheets as a makeshift toga and still brandishing my wand I began my interrogation. "Is there anybody in here?"

"Just yourself, Mr. Black." The mirror replied.

"Who was talking?"

"Tis, nobody sir, just we; Skunky and the Mirror that is Sir." The elf responded

"Who sent you?"

"Was you friend, the thin boy who sleeps in the hospital once a month, Sir."

"Why?"

"To clean up the sick, Sir." The elf said pointing her long, bandaged finger.

I fallowed her gaze to a mass of contents scattered across the hardwood floor in my section of the room. The contents made me sick with self disgust, but it really was a touch comical. A drained bottle of fire whiskey, a wad of my alcohol stained cloths, some vomit splatter and, much to my dismay, an old, manky leather boot.

The rest of the morning past in your typical post drinking binge manner, an hour long shower, ten minutes of trying to scrub out the god awful taste that had tattooed itself to my tongue, a pot of black coffee and all other classic hangover cures. Even on the quick cure road to recovery, eleven o'clock still found me sprawled out on the common room sofa, dressed to the nines in my Sunday finest; gym shorts and a hoodie.

"Moony, do these headaches normally last this long?" I asked, droning in self pity to a somewhat fed up Remus Lupin.

Remus peered at me from over the top of the Daily Prophet and replied with his customary informal cunning. "I don't really know Padfoot, you seem to be the leading expert the hangover department. I mean with all that field research you do. Why don't you tell me?"

"I see Sirius won't be humored with any pity this morning." I responded in first person.

"Morning? Padfoot, there's only like ten minutes till lunch." Remus retorted crinkling an eyebrow.

"Hey I always sleep in on Saturday."

"You mean you're always bent over the toilet on Saturday. Who were you out with last night anyways?"

"I wish I could fully answer that question." This response wasn't entirely a lie. A large portion of the night before was a total mystery to me, but in truth I didn't much feel like sitting on the crazy couch and letting Remus play Freud. Like I said earlier, my parents were not the most moral of people, but the values they did hold true were driven into my skull like a railroad spike. And the forever superseding message was a ban on public emotion. Black's do not display suffering in public. It would have been nice to clue Remus in on the thorn that had embedded itself in my chest, but I had ignored it for so long that pulling it out now would be impossible. I would just have to wait for it to come out my back.

"Listen don't worry about Kalina. I mean she just..."

Apparently my suffering wasn't as invisible as I thought. "Who said anything about her?"

"Nobody. Nobody has said anything about her. I'm just leveling with you here Padfoot. What she did was cold. I know that overall she was a pretty cool girl despite your crash and burn ending so, well... just don't get hung up over it. Ok?" Moony gave a casual speech thoroughly lined and laced with concern. Coming from a house like mine, where public emotion is equally as welcome as half bloods you learn to pick up on the small details and gestures a person makes that tells you how they're really feeling. My mom would always speak perfectly calm, like a tight lipped robot, but I could tell when she was angry because she would dig her finger nails into her cuticles. Remus's faraway eyes had always been aged beyond his years, but as he tried to make me forget, I could see his brow crinkling ever so slightly.

I wish I had the ability to admit that since my falling out with Kalina I felt like I was walking around with silverback gorilla on my shoulders. However, with the help of my two little friends, ignorance and denial I slapped on my stony exterior like a cheap suit and went around with business as usual. So of course, I acted offended and pulled an old classic out of my bag of tricks. "What the fuck are you talking about Moony? I am not hung up with Kalina. I could care less what, or more aptly who the hell she does."

"Well let the Pile of puke and empty bottle of fire whiskey be testimony to that."

When Remus hammers home a point, he doesn't stop to loosen his grip. I tried to retort, then I tried to agree and admit my error, but after a good minute of open mouth gaping my brain formed a truce and settled for moody silence. I wasn't mad at Remus. He was right and even if I couldn't admit that to him, nothing sucks more than lying to yourself.

We both sat in silence for a few moments. Facing each other from opposing couches, myself staring at dust falling in the rays of the early afternoon sun, and Remus re-scouring the paper, we made an unspoken mutual agreement take a few deep breaths and let it go.

"Anything interesting, in that tabloid posing as a real news source?" I asked after a few seconds of mental readjustment.

Moony gazed at me for a moment with his far away eyes, and then apparently decided that my change of topic was acceptable. "Mneh, that depends on your opinion of interesting. As far as attacks go, no the three weeks streak without the Dark Mark is still rolling. It's a bit weird though, the longer we go without hearing about a murder the more uneasy I get. Anyways, the lack of fifty foot glowing skulls in the sky doesn't mean the killer formally known as Voldemort has gone on holiday. "He who must not be named" as the Daily Prophet now insists on calling him, has merely found a new way to fuck the system. Three bureaus at the ministry are under investigation for corruption and some small time school in Cornwall just got shut down for having a wickedly dark staff."

"Interesting indeed." I agreed, smiling at Remus's obsession with fallowing the news. "I'm just surprised my Father's office isn't under investigation. He has a pile of skeletons in his closet, and you could take that as literal."

"Yeah well..." Moony said obviously uncomfortable discussing my family. It sorta bummed me out that Remus still felt like he was stepping on egg shells sometimes. But I suppose the wall is my own undoing.

Now it was his turn to change the subject. "Hey, I know you weren't at breakfast this morning, but what the hell did you do to Rodolphus's oatmeal?!"

I told Remus to go ahead down to lunch with out me. Honestly I felt a bit like a bastard for my shenanigans. After a good five minutes of stomach vibrations however, and based on the fact that the last meal I did eat was currently getting scrubbed off the floor by some poor house elf I decided to make a grub run.

By this time in the afternoon all my comical alcohol induced ailments had worn off. I still felt like the bottom of a dumpster but at least the sunlight wasn't driving nails into my retinas. So I wound my way down the Hogwarts labyrinth, tracing the floral carpet designs with my foot, not watching where I was going, and slowly making my way towards the Great Hall from memory.

I turned a blind corner still wholly engrossed with watching my feet, to have a full-blown head on collision with another distracted individual. A certain individual I had been doing my best Mission Impossible impression to avoid.

I was flat on my back and Kalina was on the ground with leaning against the wall, her long straight silver hair askew over her face. I made no attempt to get up but merely brushed the hair out of my eyes and studied her. Her eyes were the color of unpolished brass and right now they were searching me for a hint of emotion that I refused to giver her. Kalina it appeared also wasn't scrambling to gather her things and get away. I could tell she was dancing on a knife blade wanting to say something but incapable of putting it into words.

"Isn't it ironic how these hallway train wrecks only seem to happen with the one person you're trying to avoid?" I quipped from my back in a monotone voice.

To my surprise her face broke into a faint cautious smile. "So you have been avoiding me then?"

"With reason."

"I've been wanting to talk to you Sirus."

"So you decided to tackle me in the hall?"

"No this was an accident, albeit a convenient one." She said shaking her head slightly so her locks would fall back into place. "I just want to say... I understand if you're angry with me." She finished as her brassy eyes drifted from mine and locked on her fidgeting hands.

"Well so long as we're both on the same page then." I responded feeling validated for a few jackass remarks.

"But you had to know it was inevitable."

"Inevitable that you would run off with only-my-mother-could-love-Malfoy?"

She took a slow rattled breath and replied, "Like I said, I understand if you're angry with me Sirius. But no, I meant it was inevitable that we break up eventually. We don't have any of the same ambitions or plans. Just all the same problems. Unless I wanted to be disowned I had too."

"Well speaking from some first hand experience I think disownment could do you some good."

"So it is true. You really did leave your family." She gaped. "The rumors were everywhere."

"Yes it's true Kalina. Which is why I wish you could have figured out this whole inevitable breakup a bit sooner."

"Sirius, I really am sorry about that."

"Don't be sorry. Leaving was the best thing I have ever done."

"I wish I could offer you a place to stay but with my parents..."

"I'm more than comfortable at James's"

"Oh"

"Kalina..." I paused and watched her bite her pink lip slightly in anticipation. "Why Lucius?"

She closed her eyes tightly for a moment and briefly massaged her temple with two fingers. For a fleeting second I thought I wasn't the only one with a hangover. "It's complicated Sirius." Prologue

The indirect answer signaled the end to our conversation. She used the wall to pull herself up and straightened her uniform. I was still on the floor and looked up at her and laughed. "Even if we are threw, it's good to know that you still can't be around me without having to fix your cloths when we're done." She laughed and began to walk away.

"OH, wait Sirius." Kalina said turning around. "Did you really do that to Lestrange's oatmeal?"


End file.
